Bus etiquette, Don’t be a Dick, Be a Dude!
Us on the night bus
Yes, there is a such thing as bus etiquette, it’s one of those unspoken set of “rules” that everyone who uses public transportation knows. Or at least, I thought everyone knew. The more I ride the bus, the more I see that some people still don’t get it. Maybe they are confused, or maybe they are new to this public transport thing and they haven’t caught on to bus etiquette yet, so for those people, I’m going to break it down, everyone else can take this as a helpful reminder.
- The very first rule of public transportation etiquette is… Let the people who are getting off the bus, get off the bus before you shove your way through them! By pushing your way into the bus the only thing you’re accomplishing is slowing down the flow of people exiting the bus. Plus, it’s just rude!
- If you see someone struggling to exit the bus because they have a giant rolling suitcase, and big bag, or a stroller HELP THEM! Don’t just look at them like they are an asshole because they had to take a big bag on the bus, help them get the damn thing off the bus! Not only is that just the nice thing to do, but it also gets them out of the way quicker so we can we can all be on our way.
- When you go to sit down and you see a bunch of empty seats, don’t take the aisle seat. Sit by the window so someone else can sit next to you.
- If you do sit in the aisle, and someone needs to sit next to you, Move over! Don’t pick up all of your crap, let out a sigh, and then make them sit by the window! NO DAMN IT! You move your ass over! Also, don’t do that weird maneuver where you squish yourself into the seat and make the other person squeeze in to sit by the window, just move over! You should have been sitting by the window in the first place anyway.
- If you are having a conversation on your phone, the rest of us DON’T CARE to hear it! Even though you think everyone is interested in you, we aren’t! Keep it down! Some people are trying to read damn it!
- Using your phone is not an excuse to ignore someone who is trying to sit by you!
- If you have a big bag, you have to stand, I’m sorry, but that’s how it is. You can’t take your giant bag with you to sit down and block the aisle! Other people will be getting off before you and nobody wants to have to climb a mountain of bags to exit the bus.
- When your in public, please act like it! No one likes it when your in the back of the bus screaming with your friends, or listening to your shitty pop music really loud, and if someone asks you to STFU don’t look at them like THEY are the ones inconveniencing everyone. We all understand you’re having fun, but that doesn’t mean you need to be obnoxious.
- Make sure you know where you’re going BEFORE you get on the bus! There is nothing I hate more then a group of people who have been sitting on the bus for 15 minutes at the train station and then once the bus starts going, they realize they got on the wrong bus, and then we all have to sit at the train station for an extra 15 minutes while they figure out where the hell they are in life! You’re delaying everyone else by being an idiot! Stop it!
- Do not hit the stop button unless you intend to get off! I know some of you think this is funny to hit the bell every stop, so the driver has to stop at EVERY SINGLE STOP, but it pisses everyone else off, and unlike you, we actually would like to get to our stops at a decent time! Knock it off!
- This should be a no brainier, but for crying out loud, if you intend on using public transportation PLEASE for the love of god practice good hygiene! I’m not talking about those people who need to just put on some deodorant, I understand that, it’s been a long day, it wore off, fine, whatever, those people get a pass. I’m talking about those people who’s clothing smell like a mix of cat piss and BO. The ones who obviously haven’t showered in weeks! Those people who make the entire front of the bus open the windows and then the smell wafts to the back of the bus. Please! Clean yourself! Clean your clothes! And stop letting your cat use your jacket as a litter box!
- And last but not least for the passengers, when someone needs to exit, please move out of the way of the door. I don’t know how many times I have missed my stop because the asshats in front of the door wouldn’t move!
Not a bus, but most of these rules also apply to trains.
Now, you would think the bus drivers would have this down by now, you would think they wouldn’t have any faults when it comes to there bus etiquette, but there are a few things about drivers that piss me off.
- First, stop taking 45 minute coffee breaks every time you make it back to the train station! You just drove for 25 minutes! You don’t need a 45 minute brake! We have places to be damn it!
- Fix your damn signs! Half the buses have broken LED screens on the front, and if I flag you down, and you aren’t the right one, don’t get mad at me! Fix your reader screen so we know! Or at least put a big number in the front window so we can see what bus number your driving.
- I know we are all in a hurry to get to our destinations, but PLEASE, Mind the pot holes, and the speed bumps! You’re the only one who has a nice cushioned, shock absorbing seat, the rest of us are sitting on hard, unforgiving plastic, and I know I speak for everyone when I say, I would like to keep my tailbone intact!
- And lastly to all you drivers, IF I CAN’T SMOKE ON YOUR DAMN BUS THAN NEITHER CAN YOU! You’re making all us nicotine junkies crazy back here!! AND I know you can see it, but you’re filling the whole damn bus up with your smoke. STOP IT!!
Okay that’s it. Hopefully everyone catches on to bus etiquette, it would make bus and train rides so much more pleasant, and smooth, and then maybe, and I know it’s a long shot, but MAYBE, we can all get to our stops on time, and if you’re having a hard time remembering these simple rules, then just remember this one thing….. Don’t be a DICK, be a DUDE!
I also forgot about it until just now. Anyway, I only watched some of it, my dad and my grandpa thought it was the coolest shit they had ever seen! But of course they did, my dad was a Marine, my Grandpa, career Air Force, he’s a Korean, and Vietnam war vet, Fancy pants! He even has a “bayonet scar”! 
